Little Wonders

Well, after all the fireworks and excitement of last week, I must admit I’m relieved to report that the week ahead ought to be relatively calm. With Mercury now firmly direct and on course it’s time for us to collectively take care of all the things we haven’t had time for in the past few weeks and with Mars and Pluto about to trine early next week in Leo and Sag we’ll be more than ready to do so. A word to the wise, my little squirrels: If you find yourself getting impatient, remember that all the nuts you gather now will only prove truly useful this fall and early winter. The Mars / Pluto trine next week is significant because when Pluto leaves Sag for good in November it will only be another month before Mars crosses the same point Pluto’s been transiting for the past year or so. Wherever in your lives you’ve been causing transformations this week is a good one for seeing the early results of it, little dumplings. There’s still quite a lot of road to traverse, but if you didn’t catch a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel last week, then by the end of this one you’re almost sure to. Those most affected are late degree Gemini and Sag, like Sir Paul McCartney, born June 17, 1942, and Sag actress Jennifer Beals, born December 19, 1963.

The Stars that You Are
Weekly Horoscopes: Remember to read for the sign on your ascendant too!

Aries
Aries, this week I see lots of ducks in your future! Well, that’s not entirely true, but when I thought of the week ahead, I did see a mass of ducks making their way across a lake… from above water the ducks appear utterly serene, without a care in the world – unflappable, if you will. But if you poke your head below surface you can see their little feet paddling for dear life. Aries, this week you must give the appearance of calm authority, but inside you’ve got to be thinking and moving quicker than everyone else. So, my precious duckling, make like a duck and cross that pond! We’re right behind you.

Taurus
Taurus, did you know that the average person attended 5 picnics a year in 1953 but only two in 2007? There’s a little known national picnic crisis afoot!! This week I’m putting you Taureans in charge of correcting this egregious wrong! That’s ‘cause your outlook this week is mostly sunny with only patches of clouds late on Sunday and no one knows more about good times, good friends, and good food than you. So what are you waiting for? A written invitation? Write one! This week you’re the only one who can beat the tensions we’ve all been under and beat the heat at the same time! Give me a P.I.C.N.I.C.!

Gemini
Gemini, do you suppose Grand Moff Tarkin was scared of Lord Vader? He never let on that he was, which was pretty weird, ‘cause, I mean, well – Hello! Darth Vader!… I only ask, ‘cause with Pluto opposing your sign till December, it’s kind of like facing off Darth Vader. Except you’ve got some wily secret up your sleeve so you’re just not scared. In fact, you’ve got some super power at the ready to handle it all. Of course, neither Mr. Tarkin nor Mr. Vader fared so well in the end, but what I want you to focus on here is that it could have gone either way at the start, so get out your evil stick and use the force!

Cancer
There’s a spa in Los Angeles called the Beverly Hot Springs that totally redefines my experience of what a “spa” should be like. It’s totally unpretentious and lacking in that weird snobby quality that makes the idea of going to a spa a tad intimidating – which is good, ‘cause don’t we go to a spa to relax? Anyway, it reminds me of the week you’ve got ahead of you, Cancer, ‘cause people go to spas to feel as calm as you do this week. Even if it’s the calm at the eye of a hurricane, this week you know what’s what and where’s where and you won’t even be bothered if you turn out to be wrong about it all.

Leo
Desi Arnez famously took his wife, Lucille Ball, to task by shouting, “Luuuucy – you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do!” The phrase inevitably erupted after she’d executed yet another complicated and poorly thought out scheme to achieve stardom. Leo, this week all your scheming may fall short of your goals and while the vote on that may be out until your birthday next month just take some time this week to think what you’ll say should there be a need to ‘splain yourself. If you play your cards right maybe you’ll get a hit show of your own and the only thing left to ‘splain will be why it didn’t happen sooner!

Virgo
We’ve all seen the imagery of someone with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. Although the popular depiction is to have only one emerge victorious, a more accurate reflection might be to illustrate how the battles we face between two apparently warring factions can only be resolved by finding your peace with both sides. We all contain “good” and “evil,” and dealing with both might ultimately serve us better. This week, Virgo, your little shoulder companions may be using megaphones to be heard. Your job is to create a third option the two warring factions haven’t actually presented.

Libra
Libra, this week pick your favorite lawyer – or at least the actor who plays him on TV. Whether your tastes run from Boston Legal, Clarence Darrow, or Judge Judy doesn’t really matter, what matters is you pick someone who wins their wars if not their fights by mixing one part unwavering idealism and two parts self-deprecating humor. Oh! And some part keen fashion sense! How many parts does that make? Oh, nevermind – save it for the court room, Libra. This week it’s time to test your mettle and not be too disturbed if someone finds a kink in it. That kink might allow you to win your next case!

Scorpio
In the first episode of House this season, House has banished his interns and finds himself relegated to consulting a Magic Eight Ball instead of a human to diagnose an ailing patient. He quickly moves onto the janitor when the eight ball fails him, but there’s no need for you to do the same, Scorpio. Yup, this week you may be facing a minor crisis that only another human can help you with, but in the manner of all survivors you will insist you don’t need outside help. Now, normally, I wouldn’t agree, but in this instance I think you may actually be correct. The Magic Eight Ball will do nicely. Absolutely!

Sagittarius
S/he loves me, s/he loves me not, s/he loves me, s/he loves me not… So goes the mantra one speaks as we tear apart a tender flower petal by petal. You’ve been going back and forth on someone for so long now, Sag, that you may want to go whichever way the wind blows this week instead of actually choosing. But if you really think that’s your best option, I suggest you choose a dandelion to practice your maiming, wait for it to turn to a wishing puff, and then catch a ride on a seedling as it wafts in the breeze created by your wish. It is time to rest, but it also may be time to move on… Who do you love, after all?

Capricorn
Cappy, do you remember when you were little how crazy it would drive you when adults told you to put away your toys or complete any duty that you already had? Well this week you’ll suffer from serious déjà vu when an authority figure asks you to take responsibility for something. Remember your real task is to take responsibility for taking responsibility so just make sure you completed your task as well as possible. IF you left even one toy out, someone might trip over it. Just because you’re more responsible than anyone you know doesn’t mean you couldn’t be more responsible than you already are.

Aquarius
The phrase, “tying up loose ends,” is a nautical term implying how important it is at sea not to leave ropes dangling on deck for people to trip over (perhaps causing them to fall overboard and drown!). Let that be a lesson to ye, ya scurvy Water Bearer! This week it’s time ter tie up loose ends, thereby insurin’ that the whole rummy lot o’ yer crew don’t drown! O’ course, ye may be wishin’ that they would drown, on account of a sorrier lookin’ bunch of half-wits ne’r bin yer luck ter see! Well, I’m guessin’ that thar’s tyin’ up loose ends, and then thar’s tyin’ up loose ends… Jes’ don’t get caught, ya Pirate!

Pisces
A “Mary Sue” is a pejorative term created by fan-fic writers meaning a character inserted randomly into a favorite series to live out the writer’s fantasy of living within the story. So if you wanted to write yourself into Harry Potter, you would create a “Mary Sue,” or “Gary Stu,” to enter the Potter universe – i.e. as a new Hogwarts student or faculty member. This week, Pisces, you may be granted super hero powers allowing you to enter into your life exactly as the character you’d most like to be. Come next week you’ll suffer your critics, but my advice is: don’t listen to them! Expecto Patronum!

Oh Goody! Mercury goes direct this week just in time for the summer solstice! The word “solstice” comes from “sol,” or sun, and “sistere,” or to stand still. In other words, the Solstices occur when the Sun appears to stand still at either its northern or southern most declination before apparently changing direction and heading the other way. The solstice points and the equinox points mark the change of the seasons and this is why the cardinal signs, (Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn) are leaders and innovators (or just plain bossy!). The cardinal signs are concerned with causing change. This solstice is precipitated by a Full Moon in Sagittarius and an opposition to Retrograde Pluto by Venus and the Sun as well, so we can expect some fundamental shifts in our perception of things this week – especially regarding relationships, but nothing that will bear any substantial fruit until the next solstice in December, when Pluto goes direct and leaves Sagittarius for good (or at least until 2242!). So this week, my precious treasures, pay attention to where in your life you’ve been resisting some major change in your circumstances. Between Mercury going direct, and the Sun at it’s solstice point, it’s time to get over ourselves and figure out how, exactly, to move on! Although it won’t be until December that we move on for good, we will get some giant clues about how we’re going to do exactly that this week. Hooray for us! Those most effected are Gemini and Sagittarius born near the end of their signs, like Gemini actress Sadie Frost, born June 17, 1965, or Sagittarian Katie Holmes, born December 18, 1978.

The Stars that You Are
Weekly Horoscopes: Remember to read for the sign on your ascendant too!

Aries
Aries, did you know that lemmings don’t actually commit mass suicide the way popular myth would have you believe? In fact, they are hardy swimmers who even swim to new habitats when their old ones get too crowded. Plus – hello? Cute much? Never one to resist change, Aries, this week’s solstice is going to get all your bells and whistles going. Whatever fantasy you’ve been harboring this is the week to take action. You’re always been one for leading lemmings over cliffs, and this week it looks like you’ve got more than your usual firepower behind you to make that happen. Time to find a new habitat!!!

Taurus
My brother is on a discussion group he and about ten others created after getting into some hilarious fights and discussions on the IMBD boards for a few months straight. He’s never met any of them but he checks in with them regularly. Taurus, you’re struggling to put your finger on something, to give voice to something, and it’s like trying to remember the words to a song or that actor in that movie. Do some research! Look inside yourself! Failing that, check IMDB!!! You never know who or what is going to answer your question or ask you a better one and finding that out might be half the fun…

Gemini
Walt Whitman once said, “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.” Spoken like a true Gemini! I pity your spouses! They’re in for the brunt of your ups and downs as you prepare for another of your patented “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” weeks, what with the Full Moon rocking your sign with Venus and Pluto. Fortunately, Mercury goes direct on Thursday, so soon you’ll be feeling pretty clear about what you need to do. If you have to kill off one of your multitudes, don’t worry. That’s the thing about multitudes: there’s always more.

Cancer
The French psychoanalyst, Jacques Lacan, described the inevitable moment of separation from the mother as “the mirror stage,” because the child who perceives himself in the mirror can then perceive others as “other,” which leads to the development of ego and self-hood. A parallel has been made with Eve and Adam’s fall from grace, and the desire of all humans to return to some imaginary time or place when we’re not separate. This week, Cancer, your ability to bridge that gap is pretty strong. Embrace the mirrors you create in the people about you. Are they other or do you just perceive them that way?

Leo
It’s no mistake that the Beast of Beauty and the Beast is often depicted with the head of a lion, after all, he is a king, if transformed into a baser form of himself. The beguiling thing about this myth – aside from the fact that it sets up millions of little girls to believe that their “bad boys” are kings at heart, is the way in which it speaks to the fact that we all contain kings and beasts both within us that can only be set free under true love’s spell. This week, Leo, it’s time to find the Beauty in your Beast and either tame him or set him free and the odds are good it’s gonna take some lovin’ on your part to do so.

Virgo
Recently Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) rallied together to protest a seminar hosted by a group called “Love Won Out,” in which youngsters are trained to “act normal,” as in not gay. PFLAG made a super sweet little film of the event that they called “Truth Wins Out,” which is pretty much guaranteed to put a tear in your eye, and which certainly serves to illustrate a point being made in your own life this week, Virgo: the truth and love are not incompatible, and sometimes it’s only through telling the truth that true love is even possible. Go on, get out there and set yourself free!

Libra
I sympathize with your decision angst, Libra. I used to have terrible trouble ordering food in restaurants. I was the one at the table holding everyone else up, asking the server a million questions and making them come back twice. Then one day it hit me! There would be another meal later so even if this meal wasn’t that great I’d get another chance! Not that the thing you’ve been hemming and hawing over is as common or simple as a meal, Libra, but this week, maybe you ought to pretend it is. Action must be taken, and now, and frankly, even if the weight of the world DOES rest in your hands, SO WHAT??

Scorpio
A chimera can be something real or imagined, monstrous or human, and that’s fitting for you this week, Scorpio as you cruise for your monthly bruising. If you don’t already have something to fight for you’ll find it this week so it might be worth turning some of that fight inwards to look for the true source of your inspired warrior’s cry. A chimera is made of multiple borrowed parts, which makes them fearsome to behold and difficult to defeat. But before you take a page out of Dr. Frankenstein’s book and build one yourself look inside and see what you’ve created without even knowing it. Ooh, scary!!!

Sagittarius
Everyone knows the lull before the storm, the calm before the battle… moments both great and horrible. We call upon our reserves, reconcile our doubts and settle our accounts. Sag, it’s time to take stock. You’ve been fussing over someone in your life the recently and you go back and forth with it. Between the Full Moon and Mercury going direct this week you’ll finally be able to lay it to rest… or will you? Technically the vote will be out on this massive transformation you’ve been making until December, but by the end of this week you should have some ease and grace with your current status.

Capricorn
Good news, Capricorn! As much as you like to skulk about and pretend no one sees you, this week marks that time of the year that you can’t deny your impact on those around you! Well, I guess that’s good news as long as you’ve not been doing anything you shouldn’t have been doing, Cappy, which you haven’t, right??? – Anyway, it’s too late now, with the Sun crossing over into Cancer it’s time for you to get really busy in the outside world and make tracks on all your favorite projects and activities. With Jupiter moving through your sign, this July is set to be one of your busiest on record.

Aquarius
Sometimes the best ideas come to us when we are just goofing around with a pal. This is good news for you, Aquarius, since you feel so many things simultaneously it sometimes takes you awhile to prioritize things. They have to recur before you take them seriously. Goofing off gives your mind a rest and before you know it: kerbang! World Peace! Or something… By Wednesday you’re going to feel something and know you feel it and it’s going to mean something to you. The time for goofing off is over! Get set to resolve some childhood trauma, cause world peace, and make a bunch of people laugh!

Pisces
When we dream of houses we’re supposedly dreaming of our own identity, and all the rooms of the house represent different aspects of it – like the attic could be hidden aspirations, and the basement could represent hidden fears. Pisces, if that’s true, by my calculations you ought to be having dreams where your home is going through major renovations, ‘cause you’re in the middle of major renovations to your identity. This week look for some huge project to complete itself – like the foundation. After it, the rest of the renovations will be faster, since they hinged on this one. When’s the house-warming?

Well, well, well, what have we here, my little Chickadees? Strange things afoot this week, what with Venus so close to the Sun and the two making such strong aspects to Uranus and Neptune by week’s end. First up: Venus and the Sun squaring Uranus on Thursday the 12th. Any emotions not firmly nailed to the floor are in for some serious upsets and revisions, as we’re forced to look at things from contrary points of view. This is awesome for all of you out there actively creating change and metamorphosing, but if you’re resisting any change in your life then the next week might not be so hot. Then Venus and the Sun trine Neptune causing us to rewrite our rewrites quicker than a speechwriter drafting a new version of an impending speech hours after a scandal breaks. We’ll get a sense of whether people bought those revisions by Sunday when the chips start to fall, but what with Mercury firmly in retrograde until the 19th, it probably won’t be until the Summer Solstice that we get any kind of perspective on the upsets of this coming week. Hang on to your hats, my lovelies, the road’s about to get a bit bumpy, and you may not be able to trust your backseat drivers as much as they tell you that you ought. On the other hand, if you’ve been planning a major makeover for some time, this is THE week to do it!!!! Those most affected: Gemini and Sagittarians born near the 12th of their months, like genuine Gemini twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, born June 13th, 1986, and Sagittarius Stuart Townsend, born December 15, 1972.

The Stars that You Are
Weekly Horoscopes: Remember to read for the sign on your ascendant too!

Aries
I have a friend with a really bad back who’s broke right now, but when she moved recently she paid movers to do it for her because she couldn’t stand the idea of ordering her friends around while she did nothing. Not that you’ve ever had a problem ordering your pals around, Aries, but this week you’ve got SO much to do and so little time to do it, that you might want to hire out. People working for pizza and beer will NEVER get it all done in time, and you’ve never been so aware of what that is exactly as you are now. And if you can’t pay your workers, invest in slaves! That mountain must be moved!

Taurus
You extroverted Taureans are in for some fireworks this week, as your dance card is filled and you’ve entered one of your stubborn periods, where you simply CANNOT understand why anyone would stand up to dance without learning the steps – you may be more inclined to hit people over the head than dance with them! As for you introverted Taureans, you’re just as stubborn, but a bit more gentle with it. Pull a Jo March and hide in a corner – you just may meet your best friend! Remember: he may irritate you on first impressions, but that’s why we need best friends: no one else will tell us the truth.

Gemini
I hated Scooby Doo because it drove me crazy how Shaggy and Scooby always solved the mysteries by repeating what Thelma said. But it illustrated how timing is everything. Gemini, things are crazy intense for you right now, but if you pay attention to the sudden insights you glean Thursday through Saturday about some major conflict you’ve been having you could be done with it forever. It’s time to clean house and make a fresh start in some area and suddenly you’re going to see it and it will be so obvious you’ll wonder why you didn’t see it before. Hint: “Thelma” told you, but you weren’t paying attention.

Cancer
They say that moving is the third most stressful thing that can happen to a person (after death and divorce), but not for snails! They just grow a house as big as what they need! That’s you this week, Cancer, effortlessly slipping into a new, bigger shell. This week take advantage of your ruler, the Moon, aspecting your sign Wednesday through Sunday to show off your metamorphosis, and don’t be surprised if people ask you where you got your shell. Tell ‘em you made it yourself, and they can too! Just click your sticky antennae together twice and repeat after me: There’s no place like home!

Leo
The show I dream of Jeannie, was a constant metaphor for being careful what you wish for. This week, Leo, you’re set to find out why, as you let your Jeannie out of a bottle and all Heck breaks loose! With Mars going through your sign opposing Neptune you’re set to make some pretty powerful wishes and then actually have the power to make them come true. Find your bottle by Wednesday, make a wish Thursday, and then watch the havoc you’ve wreaked all weekend long. Just remember, your wishes have power because they love you! You give them a reason to be! Now uncork that bottle!

Virgo
Wherever you fall in the political spectrum, you’ve got to admit that it’s pretty amazing that the first viable female presidential candidate ran on a platform of experience and established authority. Wow! Way to turn the tables and put a crack in the highest glass ceiling! Virgo, this week you’re set to turn the tables too, and in turning the tables, maybe turn the tables on turning the tables. With your ruler, Mercury, squaring your sign and squaring Uranus in it, it’s time to use your words to create change and turn people’s expectations upside down. In the process watch as you turn your own around, too.

Libra
Radical forgiveness is a movement based on the idea that even the most horrible acts committed by someone else are really committed for our own – or someone’s – spiritual liberation. The idea is that by forgiving your enemy, you will heal yourself from inflicted pain. Libra, if anyone can do this, it would be you this week, ‘cause this week you’ve got a chance to swap out your rose-colored glasses for rose-colored lasik and be in for some major changes as a result. Before you get your Jesus on, remember you don’t need to martyr yourself to forgive someone else! Love yourself and the rest will follow!

Scorpio
Revolution and revolt share the Latin root revolvere, meaning to rotate. Revolution used to refer only to the action of a celestial body in orbit or on its’ axis, but now it implies radical change and a shift in consciousness. But that makes me think of the three fates spinning our fates on their spinning wheel. They got blamed for a lot, but what if they were just minding their beeswax, just turning the wheel? This week, Scorpio, your wheel may seem to speed up, but imagine it hasn’t. Imagine it’s just spinning and you’re along for the ride. Ha Ha! Screw that! Get out there and push! Go on! Manifest Destiny!!

Sagittarius
Velvet Underground wrote this awesome song called I’ll be your mirror that has this one lyric which bears repeating and you’re just the one to repeat it this week, Sag, as someone in your life just might be doing this thing for you or maybe you’re doing it for someone else: “When you think the night has seen your mind, that inside you’re twisted and unkind, let me stand to show you that you are blind, please put down your hands, ‘cause I see you…” Time to give it up for someone else knowing you better than you know yourself, this week, Sag, and don’t cry over it. Odds are it’s gonna feel pretty good.

Capricorn
The infamous Butthole Surfers song Sweat Loaf sums up regret quite neatly: the funny thing about regret is that it’s better to regret something you have done than something you haven’t done. Cappy, play this song full bore in the upcoming week, since you are usually too full of self-recriminations about what you’ve not been doing to really pay attention to all the things you HAVE done. Get over yourself! And by the way, if you see your mother this weekend, be sure and tell her that just because you’re ruled by Saturn, doesn’t mean you’re ruled by Satan – although sometimes you may doubt that!

Aquarius
According to Carl Jung’s theory of projection a child is told that a certain behavior is bad and because he can’t bear to be bad, the child represses that behavior – rage, weepiness, sentimentalism. But you can’t get rid of basic human characteristics, so as the child matures he meets other people who express that disowned part of him or herself. Aquarius, this week you very well may meet one of those people in your life. The trick lies in distinguishing what it is about that person that you don’t want to be, and then be it!!! (Hint: don’t do it the way they do it – they aren’t half as cute as you!

Pisces
According to Malcolm Gladwell, tipping points are “the levels at which the momentum for change becomes unstoppable.” Gladwell has made an entire study of this phenomenon in a sociological context, and according to him, tipping points occur when certain individuals bring them about. You ought to check out his theory, Pisces, since those funny feelings you’ve got about The Way Things Ought To Be have never been stronger and you are seriously on the verge of about a kajillion breakthroughs. That tipping point is just the tip of the iceberg, and you, my dear, already know that.

Hello, my dumplings! Did you miss me? Were you lost and lonely with no one to steer you through the opening salvos of our current Mercury retrograde? Never fear! I’m back, and fully recovered from both my astrology conference and the dread chest congestion that felled me the following week. And just in the nick of time, I see, peering into my crystal horoscope… The week ahead promises high energy and lots of socializing, but also some funny false starts with the New Moon conjoining retrograde Mercury and the Sun sextiling Mars in Leo on Tuesday. The best way to make use of this combination is to delve deep into any outstanding issues we face and be ready to take action on them. It’s time to be bold, brave, and assertive. We will be feeling things hot and furious and it may not be easy to pace ourselves, so the best thing is to simply own the truth and power of our own feelings. Time enough later to understand how everyone else feels and why, this week it will be enough to understand ourselves! Those most affected are Geminies and Leos born near the 7th of their months, like comedian Sandra Bernhard, born June 6, 1955, and Leo Michael Urie, born August 8, 1980.

The Stars that You Are
Weekly Horoscopes: Remember to read for the sign on your ascendant too!

Aries
The young girls who followed Frank Sinatra in their poodle skirts and rolled down socks caused such a stir in their excited clamoring for Ol’ Blue Eyes, that they earned a name of their own, the “bobby soxers.” It was the birth of the teenybopper, and long before Britney, Frank knew how to get the girls excited and keep them that way. Aries, this week the president of your fan club is sure to announce a fabulous new commemorative shenanigan in honor of you, so get ready to work it to your advantage. If a pencil labeled “I heart Aries,” doesn’t appeal to you, well, just laugh yourself all the way to the bank.

Taurus
I love watching bank tellers count money. They do it so dang fast. If I was counting out hundreds of dollars I would go super slow so as to avoid making a mistake, but of course you can get used to anything, even counting hundreds of hundreds. Taurus, this week you may be feeling extra sensitive about something and you’ll need to be mindful how you dispel your emotions. There’s a lot coming at you right now, so just pretend you’re a teller at a bank – even with a lot to count and no time to do it slowly, if you apply a dispassionate method, and concentrate, you’ll get through the line in no time at all.

Gemini
Steam engines generate heat in a firebox, and transform it into steam to push on the pistons that make the engine go. The bi-product of all this is used, cooler, lower pressure steam that must be released into the environment or the whole engine will blow. This week, Gemini, I want you to think of yourself like a finely tuned steam engine, with all sorts of pistons and fireboxes, and even an engineer in a cute little cap. You’re up to your eyeballs in something and it’s coming out your ears, and that’s a good thing. Don’t miss the stuff that’s got to go in order for you to go. It does and you will. Toot toot!

Cancer
The phrase “close one door, another door opens,” means sometimes we must end one thing before we notice new opportunities. This week that’s you, Cancer, and the door you have to close may not be the one you think it is, because this week you may be distracted by a longing to close the door in a certain someone’s face. First pause, lick your finger and test the wind. The draft may be coming from a different direction, and if you close THAT door, the pressure from this person won’t be so fierce. Dress warm Wednesday through Friday as the moon moves through your sign, it’s gonna get drafty!

Leo
Here in LA, “spinning classes” were really big for a while, and I don’t really even know what a “spinning class” is, but I like the sound of it. I’d like it better if it didn’t involve some sort of stationery bicycle, and you were the instructor, Leo. That’s because this week you’re the one to teach an all too invaluable Master Plate-spinning class. Yes! This week you’re going to catch up on everything you’ve not been doing and some things you’ve been doing but not doing as much of as you’d like. So go on, spin your yarns, your tales, and your top, we’re all waiting with baited breath and hushed anticipation!

Virgo
When I was in the fifth grade I lost a spelling bee by spelling “city” with an “s.” I was ever so mortified, because in my mind I saw the “c,” but still said “s.” It just about killed me, I can tell you, and my plight then reminds me of yours this week, Virgo, ‘cause your mind is going about four cylinders faster than your mouth. You’re seriously brilliant, but you may stumble over the words coming out of your mouth now, so my best advice is to just keep going. Don’t regret anything, and don’t make an idiot of yourself either, trying to convince the judges that when you said “y,” you really meant “x.” Even if it’s true.

Libra
Those Disney princesses have it easy with their forest legions coming to their aid when it’s time to make a dress, clean the house, or brew some tea. Honestly! Wait a minute, why am I complaining to you, Libra? This week you’ve got some foresty legions of your own, or SOMETHING, on your side helping you complete the uncompletable, scale every mountain etc… How irritating you are! But wait! There’s a silver lining for us jealous folk! There’s a hint – just a whiff – of Mickey in Fantasia about you, luv. Play by the rules when making your magic this week, dearie, and failing that, don’t get caught!

Scorpio
Hostage negotiators have one of the worst jobs since it’s the sort job you really need mad skills to pull off and naturally the only way to collect mad skills is through practice and no one really wants to practice hostage negotiations. Well, almost no one. I don’t know what’s going on with you, Scorpio, but you’ve got a chance to practice your mad skills this week. There are some conversations you need to have about things that no one really wants to talk about and you’re just the person to get the ball rolling! Fortunately there’s no one better to handle the unhandleable than you. Go on, save the world!

Sagittarius
Sag, it’s time to pay attention to your significant other. After all, they’re significant for a reason, n’est pas? Time to dim the lights, set out the candles, and lay down a magnificent feast for your loved one. This week you’ve magically got the ability to put someone else first, and it will be effortless. They’re just so cool, how could you not? If you’ve been planning to propose than this is definitely the week to do it! On the other hand, if you’ve not been planning a proposal, then don’t, for GOD’S SAKE, do it now. Just have FUN and enjoy the romantic adventure of it all. Time enough for cliff-jumping next week.

Capricorn
Benign neglect is a theory of child raising wherein you provide ample positive choices for your children and then let them choose without interfering or guiding their selection. Then you allow them time to explore their choices without inflicting your opinion on them. Cappy, somewhere in your life you’ve got a project suffering from benign neglect and it’s time to take it to task and whip some sense into it! Fortunately, your project hasn’t been suffering so much as growing without much input from you, and at this point all you’ll have to do is help write the college applications! Congratulations, Slacker!

Aquarius
On the eponymous television show Dexter, the lead character deftly frames a cop who investigates him for the murders he committed. Now I’m not saying you’re a serial killer, Aquarius, but this week you might take a page out of Dexter’s book. That’s ‘cause someone is gunning for you and while you may not like everything they’ve got to say to you, you’ve got it in you to make it work to your advantage if you care to. With the Moon joining Mars in Aries on Saturday it will be time to pounce, so watch your back and be ready for it, whether you’re the one doing the pouncing or not! Grrrrrr!

Pisces
You know the old adage about fish and houseguests starting to smell after a few days, Pisces. Of course in your case it’s not so bad, since you are yourself a fish. Anyway, whatever it is that’s starting to stink there are things about the smell you strangely find appealing, so it’s a little hard to just out and out get rid of the source! Fortunately, with Mars sextile the New Moon you’re blessed with more focus than normal, so getting everyone to go along with your plans may be easier than normal, and less like herding cats and more like herding, well, fish. Go on, get out there and join your school!!!